From a Site Called Reformation21

The following parody reminds one of current happenings in the so-called Reformed Presbytery of North America (General Meeting), where three elders residing in two countries are conducting a wholesale excommunication campaign against their members. Or, maybe, there are other micro-denominations out there just like them who claim to be the most faithful church? Someone posted it on the site Reformation 21:

PURE Seeks the Rt. Rev. Sanc

Posted October 24, 2006

We would like to invite Rt. Rev. Sanc T. Monious to be our ruling elder. We had posted an advertisement and were hoping for a South African ruling elder, but the Rt. Rev. seems just the kind of man that is called for really, and no one from South Africa has actually come forward (though several have not).

I ought to say that in the past months the church has split, holding rival services across the living room in which they were meeting (in fact one of the members has threatened to burn the apostate’s podium but that would leave her without one also- of course she doesn’t speak in her own assembly: she just stands there) but they are hoping that a ruling elder can reunite the body.

Wanted: Ruling Elder
To head new micro-denomination.

Denomination consists of two members in good standing in Mexico City, Mexico.

Ruling Elder must subscribe to the Westminster Confession, and the original charter of the Massachusetts Bay Colony.

Preferably residing in South Africa, so that the denomination might be international, encompassing both oceans and extending over the whole face of the earth.

At present this little band of believers is the purest church in the world. Seeking an Elder to consolidate unity within the denomination, lead it forth as the flagship of the reformation, to administer the sacraments, and enforce church discipline.

(One of the members is involved in the open sin of thinking in her heart that perhaps the church’s policy on catabaptism is at odds with its firm belief in the nature of the pope as anti-Christ, in violation of the Westminster Confession -as well as the charter of the Massachusetts Bay Colony- and stands in possible need of excommunication. Though without an elder she is equally unable to communicate. This member has appealed to the general assembly, pending such a time as it exists.)

The name of the new denomination is the PURE — Presbyterian Uber-Reformed Evangelicals. We find that Scripture is insufficient without the original charter of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, to determine the nature of the true church and are, so far as we know, the only church in existence complying with that charter. The plight of man is serious indeed but God has not left himself without a remnant: two are better than one, and a threefold cord is not easily broken. God’s Kingdom is advancing on the enemy.

Join the two of us or get out of the way.

Reformation21 responds:
I accept. Where do I sign???
– Sanc T


My note: The definition for sanctimonious is 1. affecting piousness: hypocritically devout. Sanctimonious implies pretentions to holiness or smug appearance of piety.

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